So, my weight has stayed pretty stable the last month, but I’ve also been a bit more lazy, so I can’t really claim it as a plateau. I’ve been bouncing between 140 and 143, and I’ve actually had my period, so on that front things seem good. In terms of my laziness, I spent some time at the other half’s family’s house, drank alcohol, didn’t track calories as¬†rigorously. That being said, I didn’t gain weight, so for that reason, I’m happy.

As per usual for me, I’m working around an injury with my exercise, another reason my weight hasn’t been dropping. With the metabolism you get with PCOS it’s hard to wind up at a calorie deficit without exercise. At least I’ve maintained, and the nice thing about keto is that I haven’t been starving the whole time. That’s where I’ve failed in the past, with injuries. I would be hungry, constantly, and losing nothing. It felt like torture. Now, I’m happy to keep on keeping on.

I do have to wonder, occasionally, if I will ever make my ‘goal’. Weight is just something I’ve struggled with, for so much of my life. What would it be like to be a person who didn’t have that constant fight? I don’t doubt that I will have to struggle to stay at my goal weight. I know hitting some mystical number on the scale isn’t going to cure me. I know I will have to constantly keep an eye on my weight, so that it doesn’t start to creep back up.

Still, and I am loathe to use this page as my personal therapist, I do wonder who I will be, as a person, when I’m not actively losing weight. Weight loss has always seemed like such a huge part of my identity. Ever since puberty, I’ve been trying to lose weight. How do you separate out something that has been part of you for 15 years?

That’s all for the moment. For now, I am staying motivated, and putting myself back into strict weight loss mode. Those shoes, at least, are familiar.

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